just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
