he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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