I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
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Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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