Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
