he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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