laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
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Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize