apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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