Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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