so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
