so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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