I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
well you can't waste a boner
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
