I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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