Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
