i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
