I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
