Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
