What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
