shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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