Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
