Me. At least after what I've been through.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
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No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
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It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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