At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
