Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
