Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
