Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
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i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
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