my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize