i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
