Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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