Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
