you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Who wears a wallet chain?!
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
