shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
