I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
