Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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