do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
