I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
