Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
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my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize