i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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