Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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