we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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