It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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