you have to choose: penises or morals?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
