idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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