tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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