I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
