My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
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I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
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Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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