And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
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I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I touched a dick in church today
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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