All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
