i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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