ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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