You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize