Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
