i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
