Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
