you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize