What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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