I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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