i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
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I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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