got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
