i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
