im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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