did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
