the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it's great music for shaving your balls
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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