Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am one with the molecules
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
