You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
