I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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