are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
