Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
