Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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