I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
